give a little bit...

I gave away my knitting for the first time yesterday. Actually it was crocheting. And it wasn’t the first time, but the first time it was to a relative stranger.

My mom and my sister and I go to a suicide survivor support group every other Tuesday. We have been going since January. My dad lost his battle with depression September 23rd of last year. The group has been a source of comfort to us. It’s nice to be surrounded by people who know what you are experiencing and say things that you understand. You feel horrible that they are there, as you know how much your loss sucks and they too have lost someone in their lives. It just sucks overall. That said, it can be a fun time too, we do a lot of laughing at times. Funny how that works.

I was sitting in group last night and my sister and I were playing with my new crocheted shawl. Even though it was smaller than I had expected, I did like it and I wore it to work and then to group. I don’t knit during group, but I can’t handle NOT having yarn in my hands so I’m usually fondling something that I have made. My scarf, sister’s scarf, my silk bag, etc.

Towards the end of group a woman who lost her son in April was talking. I was remembering how she had said last time that her sister was forcing her to come to her 4th of july party. She didn’t want to go, she didn’t want to have fun. She just couldn’t feel the joy in going to a party with people she doesn’t know and who don’t know her story. She was thinking that she would wear all black to signify her mourning, but realized that people may also just think she was trying to look slim. She decided that she was going to wear a black ribbon on her shirt (like the red AIDS ribbons) to show her grief. As she talked I thought, she needs my shawl. She could wear it when she wants to go out, but wants to show her grief.

I gave it to her after group. I told her that I didn’t make it specifically for her, but that I think she needs it for the next time she needs to go to a party yet wants to show her grief (and that I was sorry that my sister and I had been fondling it the entire time!). She said she would wear it and that she thought it was very pretty and had been admiring it and thanked me very much and gave me a hug.

There was no way once it popped into my head that I could go home with that shawl.

Pics (before giving it away), are on my flickr account (my pictures to the right...).